From today onwards, my heart will be at its heaviest point. My infamous anger has created a tainted image to their eyes, and it’s something that I would want to turn back time and redo the scene again.
Obviously there are no time machines.
This tainted image will stay and no matter how I clean it, it would be noticeable.
I really didn’t mean to hurt anyone through this anger. The cascading effect was brutal, I didn’t see it coming. I was too engrossed being angry, my demons were dancing around me, encouraging me.
Right now, I’m feeling terrible for what I have done towards her family. It was never my intention. I want to meet them, even for 5 minutes to express how sorry I am. For now, I’m not asking to turn things around but from the bottom of my heart, I just want to say those three words. “I am sorry”. I have initiated and all I can do now is wait.
Maybe this is a lesson from God to make me learn, to make me see. Whatever caused my anger, it doesn’t matter anymore. What matters now, I need to control my anger and be vocal and firm about it instead of keeping quiet, in the future. I know I can.
She has doubts about me already. I don’t blame anyone but myself. I have to rebuild this lego house. I want to. I need to. But it’s up to her. She needs a man, a standing tall and strong kind. And if she still can’t see that in me, only God knows. I will always have so much love for her, no matter what. And i will learn to love her better.
Ya Allah, You know best. I didn’t mean to create this mess. I succumbed to the devil, and here I am, filthy and disgusted. I’m seeking for Your forgiveness for things I’ve done. I should have turned to You at that point of time.
I hope I will get my chance to apologise soon, especially to the family, cos God, I don’t know how much this heart can take.